it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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