genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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