On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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