I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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