How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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