it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
