There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
