i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
