oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize