WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Randomize
