i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
