When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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