we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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