There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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