Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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