I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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