I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
