"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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