I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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