I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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