Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
