I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
