did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
