next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
