Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
