Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
