My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
