Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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