you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
