i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
