You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
