i just had sex bonerless
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
