Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
