when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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