Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
