There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Randomize
