she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
