so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
