The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
time to smoke my breakfast
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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