So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
