oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
