i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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