Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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