I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
