yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
