There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
