apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
