i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
