I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize