Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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