guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
