i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm having to shit out rocks
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