I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize