He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
