i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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