I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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