Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
