I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
