her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
