Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize