wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
