Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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