I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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