it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
