Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
