First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
