The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
