is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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