Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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