Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
