I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
