i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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