i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
