I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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