You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
