i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
