Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
