The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
